\u0218tire: ,,Klaus Iohannis a \u00eenfiin\u021bat un grup de lucru la Cotroceni care se va ocupa de combaterea schimb\u0103rilor climatice.\u201d – Digi24<\/p>\n
– Bun\u0103 ziua! Pofti\u021bi, lua\u021bi loc!
\n– Bun\u0103 ziua, domnule pre\u0219edinte!
\n– Domnilor, v-am chemat s\u0103 facem un plan de ac\u021biune pentru combaterea schimb\u0103rilor climatice. S\u0103 identific\u0103m solu\u021bii prin care vom putea anticipa \u0219i preveni \u00eenc\u0103lzirea global\u0103…
\n– Domnule pre\u0219edinte, \u00eemi permite\u021bi?…
\n– Sigur, Rare\u0219, \u021bie \u00ee\u021bi este permis orice, dragul meu!
\n– Vaai, mul\u021bumesc! Deci, io m-am g\u00e2ndit \u0219i am identificat principala cauz\u0103 a \u00eenc\u0103lzirii globale la noi \u00een \u021bar\u0103: nenorocitele alea de pensii speciale! Am tot zis c\u0103 le desfiin\u021bez \u00een treizeci de zile, dar am am\u00e2nat \u0219i uite ce se-nt\u00e2mpl\u0103! Au trecut treizeci de luni \u0219i…
\n– Rare\u0219 dragul meu! \u0218tii c\u0103 te iubesc \u0219i te tolerez, dar… nu v\u0103d leg\u0103tura!
\n– Poate dumneavoastr\u0103 n-o vede\u021bi, dar eu, de-aia sunt europarlamentar! Ca s\u0103 v\u0103d \u0219i s\u0103 simt… s-o simt… de \u00eenc\u0103lzire zic! Leg\u0103tura?! P\u0103i, haide\u021bi s\u0103 vedem! Cine are pensie special\u0103? Magistratul, parlamentarul, pilotul civil, militarul…
\n– \u00cehm! \u00cehm! Pardon! Rare\u0219e, aicea, s\u0103 \u0219tii c\u0103 n-ai dreptate! Eu, ca militar \u0219i ministru al ap\u0103r\u0103rii nu m-am sim\u021bit deloc special, da?! Aia nu e pensie special\u0103, ci de serviciu! De ser-vi-ciu! De c\u00e2te ori s\u0103-\u021bi repet, Rare\u0219e?!
\n– M\u0103 rog, m\u0103 rog! Nu e cazul s\u0103 te \u00eenfurii, Ionele!… Ziceam a\u0219a, \u00een principiu!… Deci, o au mare, da?… Foarte mare!… De pensie, zic!… A\u0219a, \u0219i ce fac cu ea?! Cump\u0103r\u0103 ma\u0219ini, case… Ce face o ma\u0219in\u0103? Produce noxe! Ce face o cas\u0103? Produce fum!… Mai multe ma\u0219ini, mai multe noxe! Mai multe case, mai multe fumuri!…
\n– Rare\u0219, aici cred c\u0103 nu faci vreo aluzie la mine \u0219i la fumurile mele, nu?
\n– Vai, domnule pre\u0219edinte! Dar cum a\u0219 putea?! Nici nu mi-a trecut prin cap a\u0219a ceva!… \u0218tim cu to\u021bii c\u0103 \u00een celelalte cinci case ale dumneavoastr\u0103 nu locuie\u0219te nimeni, deci sunt ecologice, adic\u0103 nepoluante, deci verzi! A\u0219a c\u0103…
\n– Bine, s\u0103 trecem peste! Continu\u0103-\u021bi ra\u021bionamentul!
\n– Deci, dac\u0103 elimin\u0103m nenorocitele de pensii speciale, elimin\u0103m \u0219i \u00eenc\u0103lzirea global\u0103 la nivel na\u021bional \u0219i local! Din aceast\u0103 dilem\u0103 nu pute\u021bi ie\u0219i! Am zis!
\n– Ai zis, ai zis, nimic de zis! Da` cum facem?
\n– Domnule pre\u0219edinte, pot s\u0103 intervin?
\n– Nu acum, Ionele! C\u00e2nd intervine armata, nu d\u0103 bine deloc!
\n– S\u0103 intervin \u00een discu\u021bie, zic!…
\n– Aaaa, a\u0219a da! Trage! H\u0103, h\u0103! Adic\u0103, zi!…
\n– Eu zic c\u0103 Rare\u0219 nu vede tot teatrul de opera\u021biuni! Adic\u0103, ce-ar \u00eensemna s\u0103 arunc\u0103m fumigene de-astea la pres\u0103? Ne-ar lua la \u021bint\u0103 \u0103\u0219tia!… Eu zic c\u0103 \u00een loc de pensiile speciale, s\u0103 desfiin\u021b\u0103m cozile de pe DN1! A\u021bi v\u0103zut cum se ridic\u0103 gazele de e\u0219apament din coloan\u0103, de se vede din elicopter!… C\u0103 io a\u0219a ajung mai repede \u00een Poian\u0103!… Chiar nu se mai poate a\u0219a ceva! S\u0103racii, oamenii \u0103ia din Comarnic, Sinaia, Bu\u0219teni, Azuga! Dac\u0103 le vine vreo idee s\u0103 cear\u0103 desp\u0103gubiri sau spor de toxicitate?! V\u0103 da\u021bi seama c\u0103 se duce dracului PIB-ul pe cinci ani?! V\u0103 da\u021bi seama?!…
\n– Ionele! Ionele, calmeaz\u0103-te! Nu face crize de isterie!… S\u0103 fim responsabili! Mai are cineva vreo idee?…
\n– Da, am \u0219i io o idee! \u00cen calitate de ministru al agriculturii, io zic s\u0103 st\u00e2rpim din r\u0103d\u0103cin\u0103 tulpina asta! S-o pediti… pesti… s\u0103-i d\u0103m cu pesticide, s-o ierbicid\u0103m, s-o… \u00cei d\u0103m de pe p\u0103m\u00e2nt, din aer, din ap\u0103, cu substan\u021be, p\u00e2n\u0103 moare, fi-r-ar ea a dracului de tulpin\u0103! C\u0103 io \u0219tiu cu astea, cu organismele modificate genetic…
\n– Hei, hei! Mai u\u0219or, tinere! Hold your horses! Parc\u0103 ai fi Daea! Nu c\u0103 n-ar fi tot aia!… M\u0103, vou\u0103 nu vi se pare c\u0103-i cam frig aci?… Ce dracu`?… Scheisse!… Alo! M\u0103i, Oana, ce se-nt\u00e2mpl\u0103? De ce e frig \u00een sala de conferin\u021be? Trebuie s\u0103 stau cu paltonul pe mine?… Cum?… Cine-a zis?… A, da, uitasem! Atunci… bine!… B\u0103ie\u021bi, uitasem s\u0103 v\u0103 spun c\u0103 am luat deja primele m\u0103suri \u00eempotriva \u00eenc\u0103lzirii globale!…
\n– Da?! Ce m\u0103suri?
\n– Am concediat fochistul de la Cotroceni!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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