{"id":10236,"date":"2020-08-23T22:11:25","date_gmt":"2020-08-23T19:11:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ziarulderimnic.ro\/?p=10236"},"modified":"2020-08-23T22:11:25","modified_gmt":"2020-08-23T19:11:25","slug":"de-ai-nostri-madalina-bicu-stele-sparte-7","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ziarulderimnic.ro\/?p=10236","title":{"rendered":"De-ai no\u0219tri! – M\u0103d\u0103lina Bicu – Stele sparte (7)"},"content":{"rendered":"

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Mi-ai aruncat la urechea dreapt\u0103 o \u0219oapt\u0103, am prins-o cu tot timpanul \u0219i mi-a urlat p\u00e2n\u0103 \u00een vene. Mi-a adus aminte c\u0103 niciun cuv\u00e2nt plin de noroi \u0219i nicio vorb\u0103 murdar\u0103 nu mi-au \u0219ters auzul. \u00cenc\u0103 te mai aud, te mai simt, te mai vreau. Dar ochilor mei le e dor s\u0103 te soarb\u0103 dintr-o cea\u0219c\u0103 micu\u021b\u0103 – m\u0103car dintr-o cea\u0219c\u0103. Zah\u0103rul brun se zdrobe\u0219te de p\u00e2ntecul meu, iar cafeaua se prelinge fierbinte pe pulpele mele murdare de tine. Ce rost are s\u0103 cur\u0103\u021b ce ai l\u0103sat \u00een urm\u0103? Niciun detergent nu poate scoate petele l\u0103sate de o iubire pierdut\u0103, niciun scriitor nu poate pune laolalt\u0103 at\u00e2tea cuvinte julite.
\nAm s\u0103 trimit c\u0103tre tine s\u0103ruturi morbide care s\u0103 te cuprind\u0103 p\u00e2n\u0103 \u00een ad\u00e2ncul fiin\u021bei tale de om, muritorule! Am s\u0103 te rog s\u0103 nu-\u021bi mai fie ru\u0219ine cu ce-ai tr\u0103it l\u00e2ng\u0103 mine. Nimic nu te-a f\u0103cut mai slab sau mai prost. Nimic n-a f\u0103cut din tine un om mai pu\u021bin frumos sau mai pu\u021bin iubit. Suflul meu e rece \u0219i mort, iar tu e\u0219ti plin de via\u021ba \u0219i t\u00e2n\u0103r. G\u0103sesc printre r\u0103m\u0103\u0219i\u021bele organelor mele pic\u0103turi de s\u00e2nge str\u0103in, s\u00e2nge crud, purpuriu, s\u00e2ngele t\u0103u. Via\u021ba din tine \u00eemi tulbur\u0103 nop\u021bile albe, mi le-ntunec\u0103 \u0219i le sfarm\u0103 \u00eentre dou\u0103 degete mari \u0219i albe. Ah, pielea ta alb\u0103 ca laptele, pielea ta t\u00e2n\u0103r\u0103… Piele de om – cel mai iubit om.
\n\u00cemi las pierdute buzele-mi uscate c\u0103tre zilele-n care pa\u0219ii t\u0103i \u00eenc\u0103 se mai \u00eendreptau c\u0103tre mine \u0219i suspin t\u0103cut\u0103 \u00een ploaia m\u0103runt\u0103.<\/p>\n

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G\u00e2nd de sear\u0103<\/strong><\/p>\n

Am luat o foaie goal\u0103 \u0219i cu m\u00e2na st\u00e2ng\u0103 am \u00eenceput s\u0103 scriu anapoda cuvinte f\u0103r\u0103 sens. Nu \u00eentreba de ce, \u0219tii c\u0103 sunt dreptace, dar nu te-am mai c\u0103utat de at\u00e2t de mult timp \u00eenc\u00e2t am uitat c\u0103 m\u00e2na dreapt\u0103 era destinat\u0103 scrisului. S\u0103 nu razi de mine, c\u0103 dup\u0103 at\u00e2ta amar de vreme m\u00e2inilor mele \u00eenc\u0103 le e dor de tine \u0219i te scriu. Oricum, s\u0103 \u0219tii c\u0103 sunt resemnat\u0103: \u00eemi spun c\u0103 dac\u0103 a\u0219a a fost s\u0103 fie, nimic nu poate schimba asta. Poate… dac\u0103 a\u0219 fi avut mai mult curaj… \u00een fine.
\nDac\u0103 am fost at\u00e2t de egoist\u0103 \u00eenc\u00e2t s\u0103 \u00ee\u021bi fur fiecare buc\u0103\u021bic\u0103 de fericire, e drept s\u0103 fiu pedepsit\u0103. Asta e sentin\u021ba, p\u00e2n\u0103 la urm\u0103. \u00eemi adun un pic g\u00e2ndurile \u0219i m\u0103 mir\u0103 cuvintele mele de om resemnat, sf\u00e2r\u0219it, \u00eenvins de propriile arme. Cred c\u0103, ar fi trebuit s\u0103 fac mai atent\u0103 calculele, poate a\u0219a nu a\u0219 fi ajuns s\u0103 nu mai am nimic, s\u0103 fiu ag\u0103\u021bat\u0103 de un minus. Poate am gre\u0219it calculele, \u0219tii c\u0103 nu sunt bun\u0103 la mate. \u00eenc\u0103 z\u00e2mbesc c\u00e2nd m\u0103 g\u00e2ndesc la tine – e\u0219ti un \u00eenger, iar \u00eengerii nu pot fi uita\u021bi.<\/p>\n

M-am obi\u0219nuit cu asta a\u0219a de tare, \u00eenc\u00e2t ar fi straniu s\u0103 revii. Ce as face cu minusul pe care \u00eel am? Unde s\u0103 \u00eel pun, dac\u0103 tu e\u0219ti prea plin de iubire? Dar, uite, iar fac calcule proaste, c\u0103 tu, oricum n-ai s\u0103 vii. M\u0103 \u0219tii, visez cai-verzi-pe-pere\u021bi. Te caut din c\u00e2nd \u00een c\u00e2nd, dar mi-e teama ca nu cumva ceilal\u021bi s\u0103 vad\u0103 asta \u0219i o fac pe ascuns. M\u0103 tot uit \u0219i te v\u0103d \u00een acei tineri bl\u00e2nzi ca laptele, cu ochii migdala\u021bi. Nu mai sunt o adolescent\u0103 \u0219i nici tu nu mai e\u0219ti unul, dar de fiecare dat\u0103 c\u00e2nd te caut, \u00eembrac straie de feti\u0219can\u0103 crud\u0103 \u0219i m\u0103 mint c\u0103 a\u0219a o s\u0103 te g\u0103sesc.
\nCe naiv\u0103, dragule! Eu nici nu \u0219tiu unde s\u0103 te caut. Ai putea, din c\u00e2nd \u00een c\u00e2nd, s\u0103 m\u0103 cau\u021bi chiar tu. Nu ar strica s\u0103 vezi ce mai fac. P\u00e2n\u0103 la urm\u0103, chiar \u0219i ruinele sunt frumoase in felul lor, doar de-aia aduna at\u00e2tea pove\u0219ti \u0219i turi\u0219ti \u00een jurul lor. Ai putea s\u0103 mai desco\u0219i c\u00e2te-o poveste din mine, f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 cer nimic \u00een schimb.<\/p>\n

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P\u00e2n\u0103 la ad\u00e2nci b\u0103tr\u00e2ne\u021bi \u0219i mai departe<\/strong><\/p>\n

Te-am c\u0103utat prin mine \u0219i-am v\u0103zut cum uitam s\u0103 respir \u00een timp ce-\u021bi desenam r\u0103s\u0103rituri pe piele. Eram doldora de via\u021b\u0103 \u0219i fericire \u0219i-aveam dreptul s-avem lumea noastr\u0103 infinit\u0103. Mai \u021bii minte c\u00e2nd m\u0103 str\u00e2ngeai at\u00e2t de tare-n bra\u021be, \u00eenc\u00e2t \u00eemi t\u0103iai respira\u021bia? Ce ai f\u0103cut cu amintirile noastre? Cred c\u0103 le-ai aruncat \u00een cele patru col\u021buri ale lumii, pentru c\u0103 simt cum r\u0103t\u0103cesc nebune prin lume, c\u0103ut\u00e2ndu-te.
\n\u021ai-am promis c\u0103 o s\u0103 te iubesc pentru totdeauna \u0219i aceea\u0219i promisiune mi-ai f\u0103cut-o \u0219i tu, dar chiar dac\u0103 ai fost legat la ochi cu toat\u0103 iubirea din lume, \u00eentr-o zi ai ales s\u0103 pleci. Am aflat, astfel, c\u0103 \u0219i iubirea are limitele ei \u0219i chiar dac\u0103 m\u0103 iubeai cu devotamentul unui c\u00e2ine care nu-\u0219i p\u0103r\u0103se\u0219te st\u0103p\u00e2nul, ai ales s\u0103 cau\u021bi alte m\u00e2ini care s\u0103 te iubeasc\u0103, \u0219i n-ai mai fost dispus s\u0103-\u021bi arunci inima la picioarele mele ori de c\u00e2te ori pofteam eu.
\nDac\u0103 ast\u0103zi ne-am \u00eent\u00e2lni \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103tor, probabil c\u0103 nu m-ai recunoa\u0219te. Mi-am imaginat de mii de ori c\u0103 te g\u0103sesc \u00eent\u00e2mpl\u0103tor pe strad\u0103 \u0219i-ai s\u0103 vii s\u0103-mi cazi \u00een bra\u021be. Adev\u0103rul, \u00eens\u0103, este c\u0103 nu ai \u0219tii cine sunt. Nu mai sunt omul pe care l-ai cunoscut, nici m\u0103car omul pe care l-ai l\u0103sat aici. Tu, plecarea ta, m-a schimbat \u0219i nu \u0219tiu dac\u0103 \u00een r\u0103u sau \u00een bine. Nu \u0219tiu dac\u0103 maturitatea sau lipsa ta mi-a furat bucuria.
\nDac\u0103-\u021bi mai aduci aminte de mine, s\u0103 m\u0103 poveste\u0219ti frumos. S\u0103 le spui oamenilor c\u0103 am fost prima ta iubire. C\u0103 \u021bi-ai a\u0219ezat sufletul \u00een palmele mele \u0219i c\u0103 1- am crescut cu dragoste. C\u0103 \u021bi-am \u021besut fir cu fir trupul \u0219i l-am sl\u0103vit c\u0103 pe-o icoan\u0103. S\u0103 le spui c\u0103 \u021bi-am dat visele mele \u0219i c\u0103 ai promis s\u0103 le-mpline\u0219ti. \u0218i dac\u0103 insi\u0219ti, ai putea s\u0103 le spui c\u0103 am gre\u0219it, c\u0103 oamenii nu sunt proiecta\u021bi pentru a fi perfec\u021bi \u0219i c\u0103 gre\u0219elile mai pot fi iertate. S\u0103 le spui asta, pentru c\u0103 b\u0103nuiesc c\u0103 acum \u0219tii.
\nA\u0219 fi vrut s\u0103 nu fiu eu cea care-\u021bi fr\u00e2nge sufletul, dup\u0103 ce l-am crescut cu at\u00e2ta drag \u00een palmele mele. Dar dup\u0103 toate astea, ,,cred c\u0103 marele meu premiu a fost c\u0103 am \u00eenv\u0103\u021bat s\u0103 iubesc grav. Acum \u0219tiu ce e aia s\u0103 te arunci \u00een cap.\u201d<\/p>\n

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Lucifer<\/strong><\/p>\n

Infernul \u00eemi c\u00e2nta roman\u021be \u00een fiecare ven\u0103 uscat\u0103, \u00een timp ce \u00eentreg Universul \u00eemi cade la picioare \u0219i se sinucide \u00een s\u00e2ngele meu clocotit. R\u0103suflarea trupului t\u0103u st\u0103 \u00eenaintea \u0219i \u00een spatele meu, c\u0103ut\u00e2nd momentul potrivit s\u0103 m\u0103-mpiedice, iar eu arunc cu poeme stricate \u00een st\u00e2nga \u0219i-n dreapta. M\u0103 v\u0103d \u00een oglind\u0103 \u0219i ochi-mi lucesc ca t\u0103ciunii. Tu m-apuci de m\u00e2ini \u0219i m-arunci furios prin lume. \u00eemi julesc genunchii \u0219i coatele, implor\u00e2ndu-\u021bi iertarea, pui de satana!<\/p>\n

\u00ce\u021bi sur\u00e2de chipul de fiecare dat\u0103 c\u00e2nd m\u0103-nc\u0103tu\u0219ezi \u00een lan\u021burile eternit\u0103\u021bii de tine, dar vezi tu, binele \u00eenvinge \u00eentotdeauna \u0219i a\u0219tept t\u0103cut\u0103 \u00een suferin\u021b\u0103, ziua drept\u0103\u021bii. Ziua \u00een care lumina va p\u0103trunde \u00eentunericul dintre noi, iar oamenii vor scrie pove\u0219ti de dragoste despre doi oameni care au \u00eencetat s\u0103 se mai iubeasc\u0103. Ura te-a cuprins prea tare \u00een bra\u021bele ei \u00eengrozitor de lungi \u0219i puternice, iar mie mi-a devenit imposibil s\u0103 te salvez.
\nTimpul alerg\u0103 de parc\u0103 ar fugi de noi, a\u0219tept\u00e2nd s\u0103 devenim cenu\u0219\u0103. P\u0103m\u00e2ntului de sub picioarele mele \u00eei e sete de tine \u0219i cere cu disperare o lacrim\u0103 de-a ta care s\u0103 r\u0103coreasc\u0103 stratul de \u021b\u0103r\u00e2n\u0103 pr\u0103fuit de timpul care nu mai are r\u0103bdare cu noi. M\u0103 pr\u0103bu\u0219esc \u00een apusuri pline de ro\u0219u \u0219i-mi pierd sufletul pentru tot ce a \u00eensemnat iubire vreodat\u0103 \u00een tine \u0219i-n mine. Dar \u00een tine n-a mai r\u0103mas nicio urm\u0103 de iubire; e\u0219ti ca o foaie de h\u00e2rtie stearp\u0103, suspendat \u00een universul \u0103sta care nu-\u021bi mai d\u0103 nicio \u0219ans\u0103, \u00een timp ce eu s\u0103l\u0103\u0219luiesc frenetic c\u0103ut\u00e2nd un plan de rezerv\u0103.<\/p>\n

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Editura Rafet, 2015<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Cel mai iubit Mi-ai aruncat la urechea dreapt\u0103 o \u0219oapt\u0103, am prins-o cu tot timpanul \u0219i mi-a urlat p\u00e2n\u0103 \u00een<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":10074,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"colormag_page_container_layout":"default_layout","colormag_page_sidebar_layout":"default_layout","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"video_url":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[7,320],"tags":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ziarulderimnic.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10236"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ziarulderimnic.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ziarulderimnic.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ziarulderimnic.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/13"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ziarulderimnic.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=10236"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/ziarulderimnic.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10236\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10237,"href":"https:\/\/ziarulderimnic.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10236\/revisions\/10237"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ziarulderimnic.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/10074"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ziarulderimnic.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=10236"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ziarulderimnic.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=10236"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ziarulderimnic.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=10236"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}