{"id":10210,"date":"2020-08-22T18:52:33","date_gmt":"2020-08-22T15:52:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ziarulderimnic.ro\/?p=10210"},"modified":"2020-08-22T18:52:33","modified_gmt":"2020-08-22T15:52:33","slug":"de-ai-nostri-madalina-bicu-stele-sparte-6","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ziarulderimnic.ro\/?p=10210","title":{"rendered":"De-ai no\u0219tri! – M\u0103d\u0103lina Bicu – Stele sparte (6)"},"content":{"rendered":"

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Singur\u0103tatea \u021bi-ai lipit-o pe t\u00e2mple \u0219i i-ai dat voie s\u0103-\u0219i \u00eenfig\u0103 col\u021bii \u00een pielea ta; totul din r\u0103zbunare c\u0103 nu te-am iubit. Mi-ai f\u0103cut bagajul \u0219i m-ai aruncat din inima ta, m-ai smuls, m-ai obligat s\u0103-mi rup r\u0103d\u0103cinile din tine. Dup\u0103 ce am plecat, ai \u00eenceput s\u0103 cure\u021bi dup\u0103 mine. \u021ai-ai \u0219ters din inim\u0103 – c\u0103m\u0103ru\u021ba mea, palatul meu – urmele pa\u0219ilor mei dansa\u021bi de ritmul b\u0103t\u0103ilor de clipe, mi-ai \u0219ters amprentele degetelor cu care-\u021bi g\u00e2dilam sufletul c\u00e2nd ploua afar\u0103, ai spart oglinda-n care m\u0103 vedeam a ta, ai dat foc g\u00e2ndurilor \u00een care ne reg\u0103seam \u0219i-ai pl\u00e2ns – lung, isteric. \u021ai-ai descusut pieptul \u0219i \u021bi-ai scos inima afar\u0103 – curat\u0103, goal\u0103. Ai \u00eenchis-o \u00eentr-un borcan \u0219i i-ai interzis s\u0103 mai viseze la mine, o femeie dezastru, o furtun\u0103.
\n\u021ai s-au lini\u0219tit apele oceanului din tine, dar a meritat pre\u021bul pl\u0103tit? \u0218i chiar dac\u0103 inimii i-ai interzis s\u0103-mi duc\u0103 dorul, m\u00e2inile tale mi-au sim\u021bit lipsa, m-au c\u0103utat \u0219i au fost \u00eencordate, s-au fr\u0103m\u00e2ntat c\u00e2nd nu m-au g\u0103sit.
\nTe-ai r\u0103t\u0103cit de mine \u0219i alergi bezmetic pe coridoarele gre\u0219ite ale unui spital de mult p\u0103r\u0103sit \u0219i tu crezi c\u0103 alergi prin via\u021b\u0103 – liber, frenetic. Degeaba te strig, nu m-auzi.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Capriciu<\/strong><\/p>\n

M\u0103 tem c\u0103 dac\u0103 m-ai iubi, t\u00e2mplele mi-ar exploda \u0219i iubirea mi se va prelinge pe s\u00e2ni, apoi pe p\u00e2ntec \u0219i coapse. Dar chiar \u0219i a\u0219a, te rog mult s\u0103 m\u0103 iube\u0219ti<\/em>!
\nIube\u0219te-m\u0103 iar, frenetic, nebune\u0219te! Mai profund dec\u00e2t prima dat\u0103! D\u0103-mi sufletul t\u0103u din nou, ca pe-o jertf\u0103 pe care n-o merit, dar care-a p\u0103\u0219it prin mine, care-a crescut prin mine! Nu m\u0103 mai \u00eentreba cine sunt, pentru c\u0103 \u0219tim am\u00e2ndoi de c\u00e2te ori \u021bi-am c\u00e2ntat \u0219optit \u00een urechea st\u00e2ng\u0103. Mi-am \u00eengr\u0103dit toate g\u00e2ndurile \u00een t\u0103ceri, cu speran\u021ba c\u0103 n-am s\u0103 te mai simt, c-ai s\u0103 amor\u021be\u0219ti \u00een mine \u0219i o s\u0103 uit c\u0103 e\u0219ti acolo, \u00een suflet… Dar n-ai amor\u021bit \u0219i te-am sim\u021bit diminea\u021b\u0103 c\u00e2nd plec\u0103m, apoi te g\u0103seam furi\u0219at printre oameni \u0219i te vedeam seara odihnindu-te pe a\u0219ternuturile mele. N-am \u0219tiut c\u0103 tu e\u0219ti cel care m\u0103 iube\u0219te, \u0219i mi-am \u00eensu\u0219it toate meritele, f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 v\u0103d c\u0103 te- ai lipit de perete, devenind umbra mea f\u0103r\u0103 cuvinte, dar cu dureri. Ai fi vrut s\u0103 mai fiu om, s\u0103 mai fiu femeie \u0219i s\u0103 nu mai scriu poeme groaznice despre iubiri ne\u00eemplinite.
\nIar acum, \u00een jur e o lini\u0219te spart\u0103 de respira\u021bia ultimului t\u0103u fluture bolnav, care n-a mai vrut s\u0103 plece din mine doar s\u0103-mi aduc\u0103 mereu aminte de m\u00e2inile tale nervoase sco\u021b\u00e2nd cu brutalitate iubirea din mine. Nu pot s\u0103-1 alung, pentru c\u0103 nu vreau s\u0103 \u0219tii c\u0103 simt moarte \u00een m\u00e2ini \u0219i tresar de fiecare dat\u0103 c\u00e2nd \u00eemi d\u0103 iluzia atingerii tale!
\nE mai simplu s\u0103-l las s\u0103 se plimbe prin venele mele, s\u0103-l las s\u0103 se-ncol\u0103ceasc\u0103 prin mine. \u021ai-a\u0219 cere s\u0103 te-ntorci, dar mi-e team\u0103 c-ai s\u0103-mi aluneci iar printre degete \u0219i n-a\u0219 suporta s\u0103 te pierd din nou. N-a\u0219 putea s\u0103 mai mor \u00eenc\u0103 o dat\u0103. \u0218tiu c\u0103 oriunde ar fi locul meu \u00een lumea acesta, o s\u0103 te port cu mine \u0219i chiar dac\u0103-\u021bi va fi dor de s\u00e2ngele meu, tu o s\u0103 \u0219tii c\u0103 nu m-am n\u0103scut \u00een trupul potrivit \u0219i n-ai s\u0103 m\u0103 cau\u021bi. O s\u0103 t\u00e2nje\u0219ti \u0219i tu dup\u0103 incon\u0219tienta mea existen\u021b\u0103, dup\u0103 inima mea goal\u0103, \u00een care ar \u00eenc\u0103pea \u00eentreg Univers. Cu toate astea, o s\u0103 a\u0219tep\u021bi acea secund\u0103 \u00een care eu pur \u0219i simplu nu exist. \u0218i-ai s-o tr\u0103ie\u0219ti cu toate sim\u021burile tale, ca \u0219i-atunci c\u00e2nd m\u0103 sl\u0103veai.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Stele sparte<\/strong><\/p>\n

Am r\u0103mas cu sufletul ticsit de regrete \u0219i cu o durere imens\u0103 pe care niciun om nu a fost capabil s\u0103 mi- o vindece. Am citit mult, am c\u0103utat peste tot un remediu \u0219i nimic nu a vindecat-o. Cu timpul, a amor\u021bit. C\u00e2nd m\u0103 g\u00e2ndesc la tine, o simt. \u00eemi stranguleaz\u0103 sim\u021burile \u0219i \u00eemi p\u0103trunde \u00een vene, se-amestec\u0103 cu s\u00e2ngele meu \u0219i \u00eemi str\u0103punge respira\u021bia a\u0219a cum respira\u021bia ta era str\u0103puns\u0103 de cu\u021bitele pe care \u021bi le \u00eenfigeam \u00een propria-\u021bi existen\u021b\u0103 \u0219i te otr\u0103veam cu iubirea mea s\u0103lbatic\u0103 \u0219i posesiv\u0103.
\n\u021ai-am ucis visele, speran\u021bele, \u021bi-am distrus planurile, sentimentele, iar ultima victim\u0103 a fost iubirea pe care mi-o purtai. \u00eemi creasem o sete nest\u0103p\u00e2nit\u0103 de moarte \u0219i ucideam tot ce \u00eemi ie\u0219ea \u00een cale p\u00e2n\u0103 c\u00e2nd num\u0103r\u0103toarea a ajuns la tine. Tu, cel care mi-ai intrat \u00een atrii \u0219i ventricule, cel care mi-a r\u0103scolit sufletul, iubindu-l a\u0219a cum era.
\nPentru toate astea voi muri \u00eenainte de vreme; voi fi nefericit\u0103 \u0219i nu voi mai iubi niciodat\u0103. Voi s\u0103ruta buze str\u0103ine \u0219i niciunele nu m\u0103 vor face s\u0103 le uit pe ale tale.
\nVoi \u00eembr\u0103\u021bi\u0219a trupuri de b\u0103rba\u021bi care nu-\u021bi vor sem\u0103na, iar fantoma iubirii tale m\u0103 va urm\u0103ri toat\u0103 via\u021ba. O singur\u0103 bucurie voi avea, aceea c\u0103 voi putea jura cu m\u00e2na pe inim\u0103 c\u0103 eu am iubit doar o dat\u0103.<\/em>
\n„Noaptea \u00een care fusese \u00een\u0219elat prima dat\u0103. Pl\u00e2ngea cu fa\u021ba \u00een sus, lacrimile \u00eei g\u00e2dilau urechea. In noaptea aceea de martie t\u00e2rzie luptase cu sine p\u00e2n\u0103 c\u00e2nd zorii \u00eei secaser\u0103 lacrimile \u0219i lumina \u00eel \u00eempinsese din nou la drum. O iertase, spun\u00e2ndu-\u0219i c\u0103 o iube\u0219te.”<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Contratimp<\/strong><\/p>\n

Am s\u0103-mi las g\u00e2ndurile s\u0103 se izbeasc\u0103 de oasele tale \u0219i-am s\u0103 le combin una c\u00e2te una, zdrobindu-le pentru totdeauna \u00eentre dou\u0103 secunde \u00eenghe\u021bate de timp. Gravitez \u00een jurul t\u0103u, f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 m\u0103 vezi, f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 m\u0103 percepi, f\u0103r\u0103 s\u0103 \u0219tiu c\u0103 la fiecare r\u0103s\u0103rit \u00ee\u021bi m\u00e2ng\u00e2i chipul adormit. Sunt aici, sunt acolo, sunt mereu l\u00e2ng\u0103 tine; neputincioas\u0103, inutil\u0103, cer\u00e2ndu-mi \u00een \u0219oapt\u0103 iertare.
\nDar sufletul t\u0103u nu se mai dezghea\u021b\u0103, iar v\u0103lul pus pe ochii t\u0103i nu mai cade niciodat\u0103. M\u0103 \u021bine \u00eenchis\u0103 \u00een tine, aproape moart\u0103, cu trupul sf\u00e2\u0219iat de durerile trecutului. B\u00e2jb\u00e2i \u00een \u00eentuneric, c\u0103ut\u00e2nd o lic\u0103rire, un bulb crud de lumin\u0103, lovindu-m\u0103, mereu, \u00een bezna vinov\u0103\u021biei, de ura ta care ia tot mai mult forme.
\nCred c\u0103 n-am s\u0103 scap niciodat\u0103 de pietrele pe care le arunci \u00een mine, cred c\u0103 n-ai s\u0103 ui\u021bi niciodat\u0103 c\u0103 dup\u0103 luni \u00eentregi \u00een care \u021bi-am crescut egoul, l-am strivit nemiloas\u0103 cu pumnul, \u00eens\u0103 tu nu \u0219tii c\u0103 odat\u0103 cu eliberarea mea, ziua rena\u0219terii se va a\u0219terne peste tine \u0219i-ai s\u0103 devii, iar\u0103\u0219i, falnic ca un brad. Tu nu \u0219tii c\u0103 iertarea mea aduce cu sine \u00eemp\u0103carea trecutului, potolirea curen\u021bilor, stingerea focului care mistuie tot. Tu nu \u0219tii toate astea \u0219i love\u0219ti \u00een mine cu o furie mut\u0103, care m\u0103 las\u0103 s\u0103 v\u0103d din ce parte vine. Eu mi-am pierdut capul, dar tu \u021bi-ai pierdut inima.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

E\u0219ti lini\u0219tit? Singur\u0103tatea \u021bi-ai lipit-o pe t\u00e2mple \u0219i i-ai dat voie s\u0103-\u0219i \u00eenfig\u0103 col\u021bii \u00een pielea ta; totul din r\u0103zbunare<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":10074,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"colormag_page_container_layout":"default_layout","colormag_page_sidebar_layout":"default_layout","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"video_url":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[7,320],"tags":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ziarulderimnic.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10210"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ziarulderimnic.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ziarulderimnic.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ziarulderimnic.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/13"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ziarulderimnic.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=10210"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/ziarulderimnic.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10210\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10211,"href":"https:\/\/ziarulderimnic.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10210\/revisions\/10211"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ziarulderimnic.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/10074"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ziarulderimnic.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=10210"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ziarulderimnic.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=10210"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ziarulderimnic.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=10210"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}