{"id":10134,"date":"2020-08-19T20:09:34","date_gmt":"2020-08-19T17:09:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ziarulderimnic.ro\/?p=10134"},"modified":"2020-08-19T20:10:59","modified_gmt":"2020-08-19T17:10:59","slug":"de-ai-nostri-madalina-bicu-stele-sparte-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ziarulderimnic.ro\/?p=10134","title":{"rendered":"De-ai no\u0219tri! &#8211; M\u0103d\u0103lina Bicu &#8211; Stele sparte (3)"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/ziarulderimnic.ro\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/72951335_2302770403167069_5839228542532976640_o-e1597693753345.jpg\" data-rel=\"lightbox-image-0\" data-rl_title=\"\" data-rl_caption=\"\" title=\"\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-10073 lazyload\" data-src=\"http:\/\/ziarulderimnic.ro\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/72951335_2302770403167069_5839228542532976640_o-250x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"250\" height=\"300\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==\" style=\"--smush-placeholder-width: 250px; --smush-placeholder-aspect-ratio: 250\/300;\" \/><noscript><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-10073\" src=\"http:\/\/ziarulderimnic.ro\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/72951335_2302770403167069_5839228542532976640_o-250x300.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"250\" height=\"300\" \/><\/noscript><\/a><br \/>\n<strong>Nu vreau s\u0103 mai fiu deranjat<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Te g\u0103sesc \u00een fiecare melodie, \u00een fiecare vers \u00een care se vorbea despre noi \u0219i nu am vrut s\u0103 \u00eel ascult, \u00een fiecare fotografie pe care n-am vrut s\u0103 o \u00een\u021beleg, \u00een fiecare str\u00e2ngere de m\u00e2n\u0103 pe care nu am vrut s\u0103 o simt. Te g\u0103sesc \u00een fiecare secund\u0103 pe care mi-ai oferit-o \u0219i pe care n-am apreciat-o, pentru care nu \u021bi-am mul\u021bumit. Nu te caut, dar te g\u0103sesc peste tot. Dau de tine \u00een orice col\u021bi\u0219or al lumii. Te g\u0103sesc \u00een amintiri \u0219i acolo eram cea mai fericit\u0103, p\u00e2n\u0103 c\u00e2nd m-am s\u0103turat de fericire. Acum, ele m\u0103 urm\u0103resc \u0219i m\u0103 cuprind \u00een mrejele durerii. Te g\u0103sesc \u00een tot ce mi-ai dat, \u00een tot ce mi-ai \u00eemp\u0103rt\u0103\u0219it, \u00een tot ce mi-ai vorbit, \u00een tot ce ai \u00eemp\u0103r\u021bit cu mine. Despic fiecare clip\u0103 in care m-ai iubit \u0219i m\u0103 \u00eenvinov\u0103\u021besc din cauza ignoran\u021bei cu care te-am hr\u0103nit.<br \/>\nDac\u0103 m\u0103 uit \u00een trecut, nu v\u0103d niciun moment \u00een care s\u0103 te fi f\u0103cut fericit, nu v\u0103d nicio clip\u0103 \u00een care s\u0103-mi fi f\u0103cut griji pentru fericirea ta. Niciodat\u0103 nu te-am \u00eentrebat dac\u0103 e\u0219ti fericit. Nu te-am m\u00e2ng\u00e2iat c\u00e2nd aveai nevoie de ajutorul meu, nu a contat c\u0103 tu e\u0219ti trist, sup\u0103rat, nervos, sau pur \u0219i simplu lipsit de chef. Mereu am contat doar eu. \u0218i-acum v\u0103d! Iar ,,mai bine mai t\u00e2rziu dec\u00e2t niciodat\u0103\u201d este cea mai mare prostie care putea fi spus\u0103 vreodat\u0103!<br \/>\nUneori, e prea t\u00e2rziu s\u0103-\u021bi mai par\u0103 r\u0103u, e prea t\u00e2rziu s\u0103 \u00eencerci s\u0103 mai faci ceva.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Semne<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Nu mai \u00eensemn nimic; sunt doar un \u0219ir infinit de puncte de suspensie, terfelite, pe buzele cr\u0103pate ale unui b\u0103rbat pe care n-am s\u0103-1 iubesc niciodat\u0103. Sunt o linie de pauz\u0103, anonim\u0103, instabil\u0103 \u0219i sensibil\u0103. Despic firul \u00een patru, fac scenarii, dramatizez, iar aceste lucruri \u00eei displac b\u0103rbatului din st\u00e2nga mea. Sunt un semnul exclam\u0103rii egoist \u0219i pref\u0103cut. L-am primit pe b\u0103rbatul \u0103sta \u00een via\u021ba mea, incapabil\u0103 fiind s\u0103 m\u0103 \u00eentorc la omul pe care \u00eel iubesc, de fapt, pentru c\u0103 i-am tr\u00e2ntit u\u0219a \u00een nas exact c\u00e2nd avea nevoie de ad\u0103post. Acum, a\u0219 da orice s\u0103 \u00eel pot aduce \u00eenapoi.<br \/>\nSunt un cerc fr\u00e2nt, care nu e bun de nimic. Am fost fr\u00e2nt\u0103 de propriul meu orgoliu. Am \u00eencercat s\u0103 fiu o dreapt\u0103, dar fiecare remu\u0219care \u00eemi scrijelea pielea \u0219i m\u0103 f\u0103cea o curb\u0103. Tot ce \u00eemi r\u0103m\u0103sese era s\u0103 fiu ni\u0219te triste puncte de suspensie.<br \/>\n\u00cen fiecare zi mi-am notat lipsa ta \u0219i m-am \u00eenvinov\u0103\u021bit pentru fiecare zi \u00een care nu ai venit s\u0103 \u00ee\u021bi semnezi prezen\u021ba. \u00cen fiecare zi m-am \u00eentrebat dac\u0103 \u00ee\u021bi este dor de mine, dac\u0103 a trecut vreo zi \u00een care s\u0103 \u00ee\u021bi fi p\u0103\u0219it \u00een g\u00e2nduri, dar niciodat\u0103 nu am g\u0103sit vreun r\u0103spuns.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>11.11.12<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>De doi ani de zile te-ani adunat \u00eentre pere\u021bii sufletului meu, te-am iubit \u0219i te-am certat. Te-am pedepsit \u0219i \u021bi-am s\u0103rutat r\u0103nile. Mi-ai binecuv\u00e2ntat via\u021ba, iar eu \u021bi-am blestemat-o pe a ta.<br \/>\n<em>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Iart\u0103-m\u0103!<\/em><br \/>\n\u00cenc\u0103 te mai a\u0219tept, \u00eenc\u0103 m\u0103 ustur\u0103 t\u0103lpile din cauza drumurilor gre\u0219ite pe care r\u0103t\u0103cesc. \u00eenc\u0103 m\u0103 doare sufletul.<br \/>\n<em>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Vino \u00eenapoi!<\/em><br \/>\nTe a\u0219tept mai mult ca niciodat\u0103, te chem mai mult ca niciodat\u0103. E\u0219ti toate cuvintele mele, e\u0219ti tot ce pot \u00eensemna eu. Te rostesc \u00een fiecare zi, te pl\u00e2ng, te strig! A\u0219 vrea s\u0103-mi a\u0219ez t\u00e2mpla pe pieptul t\u0103u \u0219i s\u0103-mi odihnesc g\u00e2ndurile triste, furioase. A\u0219 vrea s\u0103 te mai pot vedea m\u0103car o dat\u0103.<br \/>\nA\u0219 muri de infinite ori \u0219i m-a\u0219 na\u0219te tot de at\u00e2tea ori ca s\u0103 te g\u0103sesc, s\u0103 te mai pot iubi. C\u0103u\u0219ul inimii mele suspin\u0103 dup\u0103 tine. Dup\u0103 ce ai plecat nimic nu a mai fost la fel. Am murit, iubitule, am murit!<br \/>\nAst\u0103zi, oare \u0219i pe tine te dor p\u0103r\u021bile pe care \u021bi le- ai smuls din mine, oare \u0219i pupilele tale sunt inundate cu lacrimi s\u0103rate? Sau ai uitat, iubitule? Ori nu-\u021bi mai pas\u0103? Ori m-ai \u00eengropat definitiv? Ce ai f\u0103cut cu mine? Unde m-ai ascuns, unde m-ai aruncat? Vreau s\u0103 \u0219tiu. Te-am pierdut, iubitule, te-am pierdut!<br \/>\n<em>\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 La mul\u021bi ani! Te iubesc!<\/em><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>A ce-\u021bi miroase sufletul?<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Al meu miroase a coaj\u0103 de portocal\u0103 si scor\u021bi\u0219oar\u0103, iar din c\u00e2nd \u00een c\u00e2nd a zmeur\u0103 s\u0103lbatic\u0103. A\u0219a miroase \u00een apartamentul \u00een care locuiesc. Cred c\u0103 exist\u0103 o leg\u0103tur\u0103 special\u0103 \u00eentre spa\u021biul locuit de mine \u0219i sufletul meu. Am un suflet cald, pe care mul\u021bi l-ar numi ,,acas\u0103&#8221;.<br \/>\nAl meu miroase a chi\u0219toace de \u021bigar\u0103 \u0219i a b\u0103utur\u0103 luat\u0103 pe banii p\u0103rin\u021bilor. A petreceri zgomotoase \u0219i a sesiuni de examene. Sufletul meu e t\u00e2n\u0103r \u0219i s\u0103lbatic, dornic de distrac\u021bie \u0219i continuu nest\u0103p\u00e2nit.<br \/>\nAl meu e simplu. Arat\u0103 ca o camer\u0103 goal\u0103 alb\u0103 cu perdele albe \u0219i ferestre mari, luminoase. De la un cap\u0103t la cel\u0103lalt \u00eemi pot asculta g\u00e2ndurile. Uneori m\u0103 a\u0219ez in mijlocul lui \u0219i meditez. Sufletul \u00eemi miroase a l\u0103cr\u0103mioare.<br \/>\nE negru. Nu te uita a\u0219a str\u00e2mb la mine, ai auzit foarte clar. Sufletul meu e negru \u0219i nu miroase a nimic. Uneori \u00eemi pare c\u0103 nici m\u0103car nu am unul.<br \/>\nAm impresia c\u0103 sufletul meu miroase \u00een fiecare zi a c\u00e2te ceva. Am un suflet care \u00ee\u0219i schimb\u0103 mirosul \u00een func\u021bie de starea pe care o tr\u0103iesc. Odat\u0103, mirosea a moarte, \u00een ziua aia el a plecat definitiv.<br \/>\nSufletul meu nu miroase. Sufletul meu e plin de zgomot. Nu zgomot. B\u0103t\u0103i de aripi de flutura\u0219i se izbesc de sufletul meu.<br \/>\nA ce s\u0103 miroas\u0103? A tinere\u021be, a g\u00e2nduri pripite \u0219i nesigure, a nop\u021bi pierdute, a c\u0103l\u0103torii \u0219i prietenie. Miroase a var\u0103 \u0219i a mare, alteori a adrenalin\u0103.<br \/>\nA libertate.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Nu vreau s\u0103 mai fiu deranjat Te g\u0103sesc \u00een fiecare melodie, \u00een fiecare vers \u00een care se vorbea despre noi<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":10074,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"colormag_page_container_layout":"default_layout","colormag_page_sidebar_layout":"default_layout","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"video_url":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[7,320],"tags":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ziarulderimnic.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10134"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ziarulderimnic.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ziarulderimnic.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ziarulderimnic.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/13"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ziarulderimnic.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=10134"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/ziarulderimnic.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10134\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10137,"href":"https:\/\/ziarulderimnic.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10134\/revisions\/10137"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ziarulderimnic.ro\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/10074"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ziarulderimnic.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=10134"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ziarulderimnic.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=10134"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ziarulderimnic.ro\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=10134"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}